Attracting the attention I actually want, on the other hand, will take a little more effort. Sadly, unlike him, I'm not blessed with a heart rate of 24bpm — so slow you can barely detect he has a pulse — nor do I have Ed's ability to go for half an hour without blinking.
However, it's not just about standing still. His realistically unreal costumes take him weeks to make; I have three days. Three days to make a costume, discipline myself to be motionless and work on some audience-pleasing actions.
Oh, and fit in some Rada training. By now, the only character I feel like being is a grumpy old woman who would do anything to avoid being a human statue — but Matt has promised to do my makeup, and when I mention I had considered portraying a bride he immediately offers to help with my outfit. The next afternoon, we cover a wedding gown in off-white masonry paint. It will also make it seem more stony," he explains. Two days later I arrive at Covent Garden, where to my relief there is only one statue out working.
At the weekend, especially in summer, all five of the council-approved pitches will be occupied. It's not unknown for performers to stake their claim on the most lucrative ones as early as 3am, which occasionally leads to plinth wars. Last year, someone on the Southbank [the capital's other living-statue site] was hospitalised.
Being in your own head all the time without an outlet means things can get out of hand. These days, both he and Matt work primarily in the less-trying environment of global corporate events — but they do still enjoy the buzz of the street, where statuing in its present form began in the s.
So popular is the art now that it even has its own international championship, held every year in Holland. While busking and street theatre originated in the ancient world, stationary performance can be traced to the medieval mystery plays, in which biblical scenes were recreated by groups assembled in silent, static tableaux vivants living pictures.
The Victorians revived the practice as a way of titillating audiences at a time when it was illegal for naked performers to move. In music halls and circuses, sculptures would be represented by women clad in little more than stone-coloured body paint.
She's also made the costume this statue is wearing. Photo courtesy of Eveline Beuman. How do you prepare for a gig? It takes a lot of time and effort to get ready. For example, putting on my face paint alone can take up to three hours, depending on the character. Which is actually a good thing because the slow process helps me get into character. How exhausting is your job? It's really tiring and physically demanding. It can be especially painful when I've had to keep my arms held up for a long time, though by the end of any performance, most of my muscles are pretty sore.
What do you do when you need to scratch an itch? That's such an annoying problem to have because the last thing you want to do is break the illusion. Most times the itch disappears naturally, but if you just can't wait, then you'll have to scratch it while moving, making sure nobody notices. As a living statue, it's a problem you'll have to learn to deal with because it happens during every performance. Can you afford to live off being a street artist?
No, I don't think I could do it full time. Also, it's extremely trying doing this job all week. Would you prefer to perform on a really hot summer day or a cold and wet winter evening? I'm not sure which is worse, to be honest. It's almost impossible to perform on a scorching hot afternoon. The costumes are made out of rubber, so you're dripping in sweat even before you get on the stage.
Barcelona, Spain Photo: Gerry Hadden. By Gerry Hadden Doing nothing is hard work. Each morning Carlos transforms into Charlie the Human Statue, a man painted the color of copper from his dreadlock wig to his beat up boots, standing on a giant wind-up music box made of wood and plastic.
I can't take any more than that. When I'm done I'm exhausted. But suddenly he was interrupted. Hazards of Standing Still A very drunk homeless man teetered into his table, out of nowhere and tried to steal his tobacco, then his sunglasses and then his teacup. Finally the guy snatched an already used match from an ashtray.
The waiters chase him off.
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